12/31/2016 Lessons 2016Tic-Toc! Tic!-Toc! In exactly 1 hour 30 minutes the clock will hit 0000hrs.A new time, a new day and a new year.2017 will be here with us. It’s cold outside and all I can hear are voices of people singing in a nearby church. I tell myself, ‘’it’s the last day of the year what do you expect?’’ As I sit on my doorstep with my laptop on my thighs, trying to come up with my 2017 resolutions, a voice in my head goes,
‘’Hey, why don’t you look back on how 2016 has been and the lessons you’ve learnt?’’. I murmur to myself, ‘’looking back won’t hurt I guess, ok, let’s do this.’’ The thought of it gives me goose bumps, it’s scary, and I don’t want to take a stroll down memory lane because 2016 has been one hell of a year for me. I messed up most of the times. Everything and anything that I seemed to touch fell apart. I got wounded by people, even those I didn’t expect they would. My heart was shuttered and it did hurt like a bitch. I was all alone. I hoped that time would heal all wounds but the losses were greater, the cuts were deeper and the process to become whole again became difficult. I convinced myself that I had a black cloud over my head. But no, there was a part within me that craved to be healed and so I turned to God. I asked Him for strength and courage to face all the challenges and temptations that came my way. I knew the ‘Big Guy’ above was listening and watching and I knew He had my back as always. I got lost in distractions and as time moved along, I grew stronger, picked myself up and I was ready to begin anew. I had the willingness to embrace a new path and the determination to overcome any obstacles .Before I realized it, things were falling into place little by little. I had done it all by myself with God’s help. I know you are asking yourself, ‘chic, did you achieve anything in 2016?’ Well, Yes! I achieved everything on my vision board and boom! 2016 has been such a big SUCCESS! So what lessons have I drawn from 2016? Well, my list is endless right now but I’ll just mention the few that made me who I am today. I’ve learnt that some broken things should always stay broken and they won’t always need to be fixed or put back together the way they were before. I’ve also learnt that good people can change in a minute and that people can be a fake too. I’ve also learnt that people can hurt you so much and not give a shit about how you feel and through all the bullshit I have been through, I’ve learnt how to mend and pick up the pieces of my broken heart. Lastly, I learnt how to be strong and let go of the pain in my life but the most important thing 2016 has taught me is the gift of forgiveness. ‘’The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong’’-Mahatma Gandhi Oya! 2017, let’s do this! 12/8/2016 A Demon InsideAll of us live with a demon inside. Some days you control the demon and some days, all the days it controls you. It’s always hungry, it feeds on lust, on longing and while you may slumber the demon never sleeps it tempts you to cross on any line you’ve ever drawn and all this while it haunts you, haunts and haunts and renders you incapable of telling what’s real and what’s not but once its turned your heart and soul into your enemy the demon will have consumed you whole and all this while you wander and wander and wander till you become hollow and nothing is left of you other than a torn, crushed and bleeding piece of your pathetic self. You scream silently for Help! Help! Help! wishing someone close or even far away could hear your silent cry and reach out for you but there’s no one because you are on your own. You become scared of yourself, vulnerable to your own demon but not puny. You become like a corpse, you have no feelings left, no emotions left, no guilt left and no responsibility left in you and you tell yourself that things are complicated because you are petrified of what the demon might do to you afterward. You know the demon is toxic and has the capacity of taking your miserable life. You become haunted inside and you start questioning your own self hoping to get answers, answers that will not lead to other horrific questions. You wonder what if! What if the demon chocked you to death within a snap, will you be ready for your death? At this point you do not see the reason to continue inhaling, accommodating and tolerating the demon when you are going to exhale everything and I mean everything. You decide to swim rather than to sink because your entire life depends on that one choice that you will make. So what is it gonna be? You remind yourself that if you get to make a choice, you will make sure that it’s one you can live with. You start competing with the demon you do not want it to win this time round. You get into a war, you fight and fight and fight and you do not want to let go of the battle because you do not want to admit that what has happened to you has made you become someone different. The battle continues, you find a way to keep going because that’s what you do and you make yourself believe that anything is possible and before you realize it, the demon has already surrendered and you have won unconsciously just on your own and to your own surprise you are okay and you do not need anyone to tell you that because you can feel it, inhale it and exhale it. All thoughts of glory will be back and you will smile and whisper a promise to yourself “A life for a life” and never again will you let your demon take charge and the world will applaud you once more, for being brave and not a disappointment. You will rise into greatness and just like that, things will have fallen into place, where there were supposed to be and you will realize it was life running its course, quicker than normal. No hustle and no bustle ever again.
By : Miss Gee |